Having a tough time lately

[pdxgoldwing]

after 3 months shy of 30 years in service, I'm having a terrible time adjusting to civilian live. Fresh from High School to the Army, I didn't grow up,I would say, normally. It seems civilians are so much more involved with themselves. Sounds weak, but I don't have anyone I can greave with. I miss my brothers. I miss the togetherness I had with my guys. I feel responsible for sending so many boys into harms way. I see their faces every night just as I go off to sleep. I see the faces of the people I had to fight against around every corner. I can't sit in a movie theater without sitting in the back row. restaurants scare the crap out of me. So many people in such a small place. Believe me, when I go in, I know where the exits are. I carry a weapon everywhere I go. I'm quick to get involved if an altercation breaks out. Loud noises get to me. My wife, God bless her, has been very understanding and she is my rock. Withuot her, I know I wouldn't be here. I'd either be in prison or dead......sorry, just venting

[Madtanker]

Hey pdxgoldwing,

I hear ya brother and I feel ya pain. I was forced retired after working 40yrs full time for the MA national Guard. i miss getting up putting on a uniform. I miss being around soldiers and military equipment. I miss the brotherhood of being with brothers in arms. I miss talking about the good times and sharing the bad times while deployed. I to hate loud noises, crowds, siting in the back when I go out in public. I have to be near an exit or be facing one when in a public building. I don't get on the violent side and jump in if something happens. I too have a wife that understands and puts up with a lot from me. we been togehter for 38 yrs. I see a counsler 2 times a month and that helps me some. I am looking forward to riding season here in MA if winter ever leaves. I am a member of Rolling thunder. That helps my head a lot and gives me something to focus on. I just started college full time 2 weks ago. It has brought some of the daily structure that I am so used to back into my life. I really enjoy classes.

Just wanted to share this with ya and have ya realize that your not alone with your thoughts and feelings. My biggest upset that I have is that I am not on the battlefield now and most likely will never be again. I'm no hero, but I miss being with my brothers and I miss living on the edge. hang in there, and feel free to vent here anytime. Thats what brothers are for. To vent too.

[Tom Clark]

PDX, I went through a similar transition process when I got out. I STILL miss the sense of (true) brotherhood we had in tha' Green Machine. These ol' boys out here rollin' with their MC's and callin' each other "brother" have no clue what it feels like to LITERALLY have your buddy's back and to know they have yours. This is one of tha' reasons I would never join an MC which wasn't a Veteran's MC.
As an old Army medic, i hope you do not take offense if I suggest that you consider findin' someone to talk to. I have recently worked with a young guy who has PTSD from his experiences in Iraq. His "solution" was to dive into tha' bottle and he's even more fucked up now than when he got out. I'm in the VFW and our Veterans Service Officer (VSO) turned me on to a toll free help line called "Vet2Vet". Basically, you are talkin' to a veteran trained in helping other veterans and they may be able to help you understand what you are going through (separation anxiety, I believe). The number is 1-877-VET2VET (838-2838).
Like Madtanker said, you are not alone. Best of luck to you and take care out there. Tom

[fern5407]

Hang in there brother; all is not lost; First off be greatful for that wonderful wife; sounds like she's going to be huge in terms of assisting you during your transition; like with us, do not be shy to vent to her; said differently always keep in mind that your actions will reflect or impact her so be positive and don't go looking for trouble cause she dosen't deserve it. The US armed forces does a remarkable job of making us the "Best of the Best" in order to do our military jobs; with that comes decission making and often the decissions are tough but they have to be made; do not loose sleep over decission and orders you gave your troops; your team members gladly and proudly followed them as they also knew that those decissions were not easy to make.
In public places, learn to go with the flow; mix in, don't allinate yourself or you will make yourself uncomfortable. Use the same skills the US gave you to deal with uncertain situation in these cases; assess and blend in. Certainly they did not train you to allienate yourself. Wake up each day wanting to become a part of the world and believe me it will happen. Unfortunately it dosen't happen over night but it does happen. You'll be a better man for it once you take on this mentallity and your wife will love you for it. This mentallity will not make you less of a soldier; We will be soldiers until the end; but at one point we have to re-engage to civilian status and this is a wonderful thing.

Stay in touch and remember when in doubt you are not alone............

[dennisleber]

ohhh rahhh taking care of our own even after we hang up the green. way to go on supporting each other. love it